Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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