Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
