Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
