Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Success! We fucked roommates!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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