Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
