allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
