I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
