Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
