Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
