in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
