Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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