So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
