She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How does it feel to date your dad?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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