When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
