im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
