I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
