She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
