I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize