please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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