Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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