I'm so fucking centered right now
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
