Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
