pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
