I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
