I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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