I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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