Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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