I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
