somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
