Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
