It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
