don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
