i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
