Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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