Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
ttyl tear gas
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
