Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
