ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
