Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
