so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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