i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
