proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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