Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
