if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
