my being single is dangerous.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
