The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize