party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Small penises have feelings too.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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