You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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