$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
