Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
