I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
