Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
