I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
