need another drink. this is the easiest way
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
