Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
