I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
no, he came in my armpit
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
