I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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