Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Randomize
