I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize