I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize