I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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