you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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