think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
