Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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