did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
im holly from the hills drunk
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
