Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
