You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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