I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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